Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
