I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
