i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
