Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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