I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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