my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
