It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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