I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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