did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
