an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
