If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
