when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
