Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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