Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
