So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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