So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize