She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm like, not good at living.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
