so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
