Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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