You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
