I cockslap morals
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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