I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
