I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
