I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
