is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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