I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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