I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize