Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
pray to the hookup gods
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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