wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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