no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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