Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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