I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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