we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
