This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
