apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
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