he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
