My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
