I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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