just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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