Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
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While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
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Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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