The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
where are my eyebrows?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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