He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
