Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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