She is in my trunk
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
