Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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