i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
