oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
