someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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