wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
