It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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