i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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