Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
