You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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