'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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