Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
