If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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