The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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