I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
