I looked at my own cervix.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
