walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
