fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
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