There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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