Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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