R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
