My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
