I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
