Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
