Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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