i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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