So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
