I hate all girls vehemently.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
ok first of all what the fuck
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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