she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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