Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
