didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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