I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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