she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
