You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
