I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
