angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
