please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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