He is such a slut. More and more my type.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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