I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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