my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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