My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
