I just cut my nipple shaving
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
