i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
